5 tips to survive without daddy, my second week as a solo parent

 Last week has been great with the kiddies even if daddy had been gone for almost ten days. However as we started the second week, I denoted quite significant change in their attitude compared to what it used to be.
 How do they express themselves?
  • They cry for no reason
  • They fight more than usual
  • They seem more tired and they wake up at night
  • Baseline answer is NO.
  • They brake home rules on purpose and find that pretty funny
  • They require more affection and have the constant desire to be closed to mommy
  • They just want to watch TV…..all the time
  • When their dad was normally in charge they are becoming out of control.
  • etc.
How this is reflecting on mom?
  • Over reaction
  • Dont want to do anything I need to do just because
  • Feeling the lack of energy, especially when I think of complex tasks involving: getting the kids in and out of the truck efficiently i.e. going to grocery store
  • I have a requirement of spending more time alone, with myself, even if have to cut on sleeping time
  • etc.
 What is my response to that?
 Firstly, I need to realize what is going on! To realize that if everything was ok the week before therefore there is good chance that my boys are having some sort of reaction triggered by a “so-so” day. Then, I need to convince myself that this is a normal reaction. I have understood that my boys, like any other kid, have hard time putting words on their feelings (fatigue, boredom, excitement, etc). My task is now to help them define and exteriorize. When testing that approach I felt that my kids tantrums were cooling down more easily as well as they seemed to try to enforce what I am learning them. I try to be more present for them and effectively define their needs and to identify time for them in the family schedule.
Last week was especially busy, I had volunteering and music rehearsal therefore at the end of the week everyone had to have a pause and re center. I put aside the household tasks and we had a great time crafting and installing Halloween decorations. We had a blast! Unfortunately I am not ready for winter as all the stuff is still sitting in the basement but I’ve prioritized time with my kids which frankly I think is the essence of a unified family.
 I have loosen some rules and habits in the absence of daddy. For example, if one of the boys asks me to sleep in our bed for the night, I concur. I am adapting it to the needs and ensure this does not create animosity between each and every one. One after the other they came sleeping with me and I think this help them feeling more secured. They are advised that this is a special permission which will be revisited when daddy comes back home. I let them watch more TV to help me have time to prepare meals more conveniently, however I try to minimize the length. Why? Simply because historically, 5 minutes after shutting the TV there is a wave of contestation which could be easily escalated to a riot….
 What about mom?
Finally, I am realizing that I need to do the same things I used to do when my man was leaving home prior to life with kids. I used to watch my favorite series for hours. I am trying to do that right now just to allow me to have a personal life without him. It allows me to reconnect with myself. As I am running day after day prioritizing my kids it is fairly easy to forget myself and my needs. I now take time to do what I really want: reading watching a moving, updating my blog.
You now know my 5 tips that help me « survive » being home alone busy mom of 3 for a long period:
  1. Notice everyone’s needs;
  2. Put words on possible emotions;
  3.  Listen to everyone’s needs;
  4. Allow some privileges;
  5. Have one or two hours per day for myself.

While waiting for next week post, don’t hesitate to share your own survival tips on our facebook page (even if daddy is home, it is not always easy!)

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